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Fina Bella
"We Can Do It ........... Together"
"Nous Pouvons Le Faire ........ Ensemble"
"We Can Do It ........... Together"
"Nous Pouvons Le Faire ........ Ensemble"
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing”.
- Helen Keller -
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination”
- Helen Keller -
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination”
Statistics on Women
Infidelity Statistics
Infidelity statistics have varied drastically over the past 50 years. The problem
with obtaining accurate statistics on adultery is that most people will not tell the
truth because it is such a sensitive subject. Controlled cheating surveys are scarce
and the below infidelity percentages have been randomly collected from various
sources.
INFIDELITY AND CHEATING STATISTICS:
$57.0 billion revenue world-wide
$12.0 billion of this is US revenue, more than all combined revenues of all
professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues
of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion). $2.5 of the $12 billion is related to Internet porn.
The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families states that
"approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with
the Internet.
"Sex is the number 1 topic searched on the Internet" (NCPCE Online, "Current
Statistics," Internet, http://www.nationalcoalition.org/
PORN ON THE WEB
25% of total search engine requests are porn-related. (Top three searches: sex, mp3
and hotmail.)
8% of total emails are porn-related. Average daily pornographic emails are 4.5 per
Internet user.
12% of total websites are pornographic
AFFECTING CHILDREN
100,000 websites offer illegal child pornography
Child pornography generates $3 billion annually
90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed porn online (most while doing homework)
Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old
Largest consumer of Internet pornography 12-17 age group
One in five children ages 10–17 has received a sexual solicitation over the Internet.
Three million of the visitors to adult websites in September 2000 were age 17 or
younger.
AFFECTING ADULTS
20% of men admit accessing pornography at work
13% of women admit accessing pornography at work
53% of Promise Keeper men viewed pornography the previous week in one study
10% of adults ADMIT to having Internet sexual addiction (Internet Pornography
Statistics: 2003
Infidelity statistics
It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent
secrecy.
22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married
lives.
Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as
younger men to be unfaithful.
70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their
spouses' extramarital activity.
5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex
with someone other than their spouse in the 1997.
22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations
outside their marriage sometime in their past.
90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.
50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral
standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN
poll.
61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United
states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.
17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.
Source: Associated Press
-One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet, according to
an online survey of 38,000 Internet users.
MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper
-Results show that Internet users devote three hours each week to online sexual
exploits. Twenty-five percent have felt that they lost control of their Internet
sexual exploits at least once or that the activity caused problems in their lives.
MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper
-Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Researchers think the
vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple "special
friends".
Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com
-Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery.
DivorceMag
-80% think it's OK to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks
it's OK to visit an adult site.
- About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some
point in some marriage
"Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy Vaugn
-About 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their
marriages, according to a Dec. 21, 1998 report in USA Today on a national study by
the University of California, San Francisco.
Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms
Spring, author of "After the Affair," as reported by the Washington Post on March
30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more
than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less
than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last
more than four years.
A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom
they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men
(executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have
affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100
successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.
Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their
lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of
reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the
affairee.
-Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an
estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a
revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
Harding Institute
-One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs
"This Is An Internet E-Mergency", The Fortino Group
-Approximately 70% of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending e-mail; of
these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature.
Dr. Michael Adamse, PhD., co-author of "Affairs of the Net: The Cybershrinks' Guide
to Online Relationships"
-Because of the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of Internet sexual
resources, the computer can accelerate the transition from "at risk" to "addicted,"
as well as the progression of sex addiction in those with a history of prior sexual
compulsivity.
Cooper et al Survey
-8-10 percent of Internet users become hooked on cybersex.
Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com
Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses
filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. "If there's
dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to
scratch the itch," said lawyer J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which conducted the study.
57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.
38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversation and 50% of
people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.
Evidence proves there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and
subsequent real-time sexual affairs.
Evidence supports the existence of disinhibition, accelerated intimacy, and hyper-
sexual online behavior that can easily lead to real-time infidelity
31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.
-It is estimated that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their
lifetime.
Look at the numbers from a recent issue of Playboy Magazine:
-2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-
workers.
-86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.
-75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with.
-The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they
cheat.
Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover.
Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are
correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The first clue is
seldom obvious. Typically, it's a "feeling" that something is different.
It is estimated that 750,000 children have been aggressively pursued for sex on the
Internet, 1 out 5 of these children were solicited for sex and 1 out of 4 children were
sent pictures of people naked or having sex.
There are recurring press reports of pedophiles using chat rooms to lure children
into physical meetings. According to a recent national newspaper report, chat
rooms are the most popular activity for children online, yet most chat rooms are
unsupervised. Many are private, accessible only by invitation and special
passwords (which may be provided to children by e-mail or instant-type messages
to the screen of a targeted child).
Police investigators report that when they identify themselves as teenaged girls in
chat rooms they are frequently approached by strangers making sexual advances.
In addition, pedophiles have created a community online, where they can validate
their behavior with other like-minded individuals and share information and
tricks of the trade.
Cheating spouse statistics confirm that 50 and 70 percent of married men (between
38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found
that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had
no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to
recognize the telltale signs.
According to Annette Lawson, author of "Adultery," published in 1989 by Basic
Books.
"The various researchers arrive at a general consensus…suggesting that above one-
quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are
married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than
married women—perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty."
According to Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Partners," first published in 1987 by
Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine. "Most experts do consider the
'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45
to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a
relatively sound and reasonable one."
According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," first published in
1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).
Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that "60 percent of men and 40 percent
of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant
when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that
all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even
half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in
the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in
approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's
unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of
individual husbands or wives."
Note that the above adultery statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more
than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the
current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat
HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the
increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for
women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%.
What motivates human behavior?
UCLA Psychology Professor Shelley Taylor offers surprising insights into human
nature
Who best exemplifies the basic essence of human nature: greedy executives engaged
in corporate fraud; Mike Tyson, the aggressive boxer; or the courageous,
compassionate Americans who risked their lives to save strangers on Sept. 11?
If you chose only the personifications of greed and aggression, you are neglecting a
vital part of our nature, according to Shelley E. Taylor, UCLA psychology professor.
In a new book, Taylor argues that nurturing others and caring for their needs are
as wired into our genes as our aggressive and competitive nature.
"The tending instinct is every bit as tenacious as our more aggressive, selfish side,"
Taylor argues in "The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing Is Essential to Who We Are
and How We Live" (Henry Holt). "Tending to others is as natural, as biologically
based, as searching for food or sleeping."
An internationally renowned scientist in the field of stress and health, Taylor
conducted 25 years of research and analyzed more than 1,000 research studies
before writing this book.
"I originally assumed that biology largely determines behavior," Taylor said, "and
so it was a tantalizing surprise to see how clearly social relationships forge our
underlying biology, even at the level of gene expression. Chief among these social
forces are the ways in which people take care of one another and tend to one
another's needs. An early warm and nurturing relationship, such as mothers often
enjoy with their children, is as vital to development as calcium is to bones.
"The benefits that tending provides to children, especially those with genetic risks,
are substantial. Children who are well tended in early childhood grow up with
better social and emotional ways of meeting the world. Even in adult relationships,
we tend to each other's needs in ways that sustain long and healthy lives."
Life, business and relations between the sexes are often depicted as battlefields --
"dog eat dog" -- where the successful outmaneuver and overpower the weak. Taylor,
whose research is federally funded by the National Science Foundation and the
National Institute of Mental Health, finds this metaphor to be a half-truth, at best.
"Tending is instinctive, and affects our biology at every stage of life," she said. "We
have neuro-circuitrys for tending as surely as we have biological circuitry for
obtaining food and reproducing ourselves. How people fare in times of stress -- from
how calm they are to their likelihood of becoming ill -- depends on the quality of the
tending they receive."
What role does our genetic makeup play in determining our behavior?
"The genome is like an architect's first plan, a rough projection of how a person may
turn out," Taylor argues. "This plan is revised during the course of the building
process. The kitchen is rotated 90 degrees, the living room is extended a few feet.
Later, the owner adds a bathroom, perhaps even a second story. This is what
happens when genes meet the environment in which they find expression, and
tending is a large part of this environment.
"From life in the womb to the surprisingly resilient brain of old age, the social
environment molds and shapes the expression of our genetic heritage until the
genetic contribution is sometimes barely evident. A mother's tending can
completely eliminate the potential effects of a gene; a risk for a disease can fail to
materialize with nurturing, and a genetic propensity may lead to one outcome for
one person and the opposite for another, based on the tending they received.
"Who we are -- our character, even our physical health -- depends on the people who
tend to us and how well we get along with them -- our mothers, fathers, friends and
lovers."
Early tending has an extraordinary impact on children, Taylor documents.
Showing an example of the devastating effects on children who received little love
or tending, Taylor cites the hundreds of thousands of Romanian orphans housed
together in desperate conditions at the end of the Ceausescu regime in 1990. With
few workers to care for large numbers of children, relief workers were shocked to
find "room after room of children who rocked back and forth, hit their heads
against the walls, and grimaced oddly, giving no sign they had registered that
anyone new was present," she writes. "Others simply stared at the strangers with
big, sad eyes.
"Their emotions were stunted. They took little joy in their surroundings, and were
not bothered by reprimands or criticisms. They just didn't care. They weren't
tortured or raped. They just weren't loved, held, hugged or taught to feel emotions
or how to recognize them in others.
"The first few years of life are critical for building these emotional responses to life.
If a child fails to get warm, responsive contact with another person during those
years, the disadvantages may never be fully overcome."
As the Soviet bloc crumbled, Eastern Europe's newly free countries experienced an
abrupt decline in the marriage rate, a staggering increase in divorce, a steep
decline in the birth rate, dramatic increases in heart disease and fatal accidents,
and a plummeting life expectancy. People who were expected to live into their 70s
were dying in their 40s and 50s instead. The threat to life expectancy hit young
and middle-aged men especially hard, particularly those who were single. In 1994 a
Russian man's life expectancy had decreased to just 57 (from 64 five years earlier).
Men in the former East Germany suffered a 40 percent increase in their death rate.
"Women fared better than men because they had informal ties in place that helped
them negotiate the new social and economic order," Taylor writes. "Using well-
honed networking skills, they were able to acquire food and other goods to maintain
their now reduced standard of living. Women and children died, too, but in far
fewer numbers, sustained through the transition by the social bonds they had
created and nurtured. When a society's tending system breaks down, illness and
death can follow, sometimes in astonishingly short order. Men, in particular, are
vulnerable."
Among older workers in the United States, those with little social support die
earlier, Taylor said. How well workers are treated by their immediate supervisor
makes a large difference in their physical and mental health, especially for men,
Taylor writes. This "tending," or lack of it, by your supervisor, affects your risk for
coronary heart disease or a heart attack, as well as depression and anxiety.
Nurturing contact with parents in early childhood, combined with social support
during times of stress, good friends (especially female friends), and a strong, loving
relationship (especially with a wife) "all protect against the psychological and
health problems that stress otherwise promotes," she writes.
People with social support have "younger" stress systems and better protection
against major chronic diseases, Taylor writes. Strong ties with family and close
friends protect against health ailments, while social isolation increases the risk for
all causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, strokes and accidents.
"More than 100 scientific studies show that people who have social support and who
are connected to their families, their colleagues at work, their communities, their
churches and their friends all prosper biologically," Taylor said.
Women often get much of their social support from other women, and women's
friendships are vital to their mental health, she writes. Throughout life, women
seek more close friends than men do, and create larger social networks for
themselves.
Women's networks become especially important in stressful times, meeting a
variety of needs, including raising children, protecting against violence and coping
with stress.
Even among animals, she writes, females enjoy the comfort of one another's
company. In a study of Norway rats, for example, females housed together in groups
of five lived 40 percent longer than rats that were housed alone. Among prairie
voles (a small rodent), males react to stressful conditions by seeking contact with
their female mates, while females turn not to their mates, but to other female
"friends." Female bonobos (monkeys) form intense, long-lasting bonds with other
females, much more so than males.
From vervet monkeys to humans, mothers often treat their young the way they
were treated in childhood. In monkeys, mothers who were mistreated or deprived in
infancy do not mother their own offspring as well as nurtured monkeys do, Taylor
writes. Men and women who were abused as children are likely to become abusive
parents themselves, she writes, and children who do not receive much physical
attention or warmth are at risk for a wide range of serious physical and mental
health problems.
Taylor's own research over many years shows that turning to one's social group for
safety and support is a common way for people to cope with stress. "The fact that
one can see a similar pattern in animals suggests that turning to others may have
quite old biological origins," she writes.
Across cultures, girls typically receive training in tending from an early age,
Taylor writes, beginning with playing with dolls and caring for younger siblings,
baby-sitting for others' children, and later caring for their own children, a sick
husband and elderly parents.
With the enormous popularity of cell phones, Taylor noted, we now carry our social
support network with us wherever we go. Friendships are vital, she said, and "social
ties are the cheapest medicine we have."
Sometimes, it's just about sex.
Usually not: The vast majority of Americans are monogamous and happy about it,
expressing satisfaction with their sex lives and a broad preference for emotional
commitment in sexual relationships. Most by far prefer marriage to the single life.
But there's more to sex in America in 2004 than that 1950s picture suggests. A
ground breaking ABC News "Prime time Live" survey finds a range of eye-popping
sexual activities, fantasies and attitudes in this country, confirming some
conventional wisdom, exploding some myths -- and venturing where few scientific
surveys have gone before.
Among the results: Fifty-seven percent of Americans have had sex outdoors or in a
public place. Half talk with their partners about their sexual fantasies. Forty-two
percent call themselves sexually adventurous. Twenty-nine percent have had sex
on a first date, and about as many have had an "unexpected sexual encounter with
someone new." Fifteen percent of men -- and three in 10 single men age 30 and older
-- have paid for sex. About half of women say they've faked an orgasm.
Americans' Sexual Behavior
Sex outdoors 57%
Discuss fantasies 51%
Faked orgasm (women) 48%
Sexually adventurous 42%
First-date sex 29%
Paid for sex (men) 15%
Paid for sex (single men, 30+) 30%
Two-thirds of sexually active Americans sometimes "wear something sexy" to
enhance their sex lives, and 30 percent say they and their partner have watched
sexually explicit videos. One in five -- around 40 million people -- say they've
looked at porn Web sites. As many, men and women about equally, have had
"rebound" sex to get over a failed relationship.
In some cases, where activity is less common, fantasy takes over. Among people who
are married or living in a committed relationship (or formerly married), 16
percent have cheated on their partner (nearly twice as many men as women) --
while more, 30 percent, have fantasized about it. Fourteen percent of adults (and
twice as many single men) have had sex in a threesome, while an additional 21
percent have fantasized about that. Twelve percent have had sex at their
workplace, and it's been a fantasy for one in 10 more.
Fantasy and Activity
Did it Fantasized about it
Cheated 16% 30%
Threesome 14% 21%
Sex at work 12% 10%
There are other signs of yearning: Among the 55 percent who describe their sexual
activity as "traditional," about three in 10 would like to be more adventurous. And
more -- four in 10, especially men -- would like more adventurousness in their
partners.
The survey also finds huge differences in sexual attitudes between men and women.
It underscores the wages of sin: Divorced or separated men are twice as likely to
have been unfaithful in their marriage. And it demolishes the notion that singles
are swinging: Even among young singles (under 30), nearly half aren't dating at
all, and among those who are dating, eight in 10 are dating one person exclusively.
Monogamy, again, rules the roost.
Moreover, the survey finds that satisfaction with sex does matter. A statistical
analysis identifies some of the factors independently related to satisfaction with
sex, marriage and life more broadly. Among other findings, it shows that activities
such as discussing fantasies with a partner contribute to an exciting sex life, that
an exciting sex life contributes to a happy marriage and that a happy marriage
contributes to life satisfaction.
These and other findings in this random-sample telephone poll of 1,501 adults
paint a remarkable and intimate portrait of sex in America in the 21st century.
Many of the frank and personal questions, from foreplay to fantasy, have rarely if
ever been asked before in a representative national survey. Other results comport
with previous sex research. The survey is the basis for an exclusive report on sexual
attitudes and behavior for the ABC News program "Prime time Live" that aired on
Thursday, Oct. 21 at 10 p.m. ET. A second program, based on a separate survey of
sexual attitudes and behavior among teenagers, will air at a later date.
Different Planets
If women are from Venus, men are -- well -- men. Seventy percent of men think
about sex every day -- double the rate among women. Indeed, 43 percent of men
think about sex several times a day; just 13 percent of women do that. Eighty-three
percent of men enjoy sex "a great deal"; that falls to 59 percent of women. Women,
though, are equally likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives.
Sex and the Gender Gap
Men Women
Think about sex every day 70% 34%
Enjoy sex a "great deal" 83% 59%
Overall, women report an average of six sex partners in their lifetimes; men, 20.
But a better gauge of sexual activity for most people is the median, the midpoint
between the high and low: Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a
median of eight.
The averages are higher because a small number of individuals -- especially men --
report a very large number of partners. Five percent of the men in this sample
reported having had 99 or more sex partners, including four who reported 200,
three who reported 300 and one who reported 400. Among women, one percent
reported 99 or more partners; the high was 100 (reported by two women).
Total Number of Sex Partners
Average Median
All 13.5
Men 20.8
Women 6.3
While there are differences between the sexes, the data are internally coherent; for
example, people who report more sex partners, men and women alike, are more apt
to describe themselves as adventurous sexually and to say they enjoy sex a great
deal.
Total Number of Sex Partners
All Men Women
One 19% 12% 25%
2-4 25% 16% 33%
5-10 28% 26% 29%
11-20 12% 18% 6%
21+ 12% 20% 4%
In another difference between the sexes, 42 percent of men report having had sex
on a first date; that drops to 17 percent of women. Again the data are coherent;
women who report having had first-date sex also are much more likely to call
themselves sexually adventurous, and they report many more sex partners across
their lives -- an average of 19, compared with an average of four for other women.
A third of adults would like to have more sex than they do now -- but more men,
about four in 10, than women, 28 percent. Men, as noted, are more apt to have
cheated, much more apt to fantasize about it, and more than twice as likely as
women to say it's acceptable to have casual sex without an emotional relationship --
"just doing it for the sex." (That's OK with 35 percent of men, compared with 15
percent of women.)
Women also are about half as likely as men to say they've had sex in a threesome,
unexpectedly with someone new, or at work; and they're less likely to fantasize
about these. A third of men have fantasized about a threesome and 20 percent have
fantasized about an unexpected encounter; it's nine and 10 percent of women,
respectively.
Women are more conservative about sex in other ways. They're more apt than men
to say there's too much sex on TV, 84 percent to 62 percent. They're less likely than
men to condone sex before marriage, 54 to 68 percent. And 61 percent of sexually
active women, compared with 50 percent of men, call themselves sexually
traditional, not adventurous.
In other personal predilections, men are twice as likely as women to sleep in the
nude (31 percent of men, 14 percent of women), and women are much more likely to
prefer to have sex with the lights off (51 percent of women, 27 percent of men).
In the online realm, men are more than three times as likely as women to have
looked at a sexually explicit Web site, and doing so spikes among men under 30.
Relatively few -- but 11 percent of young men -- have participated in sex chat rooms.
Women are much more likely to regard either of these activities as "being
unfaithful."
Sex and the Web
Men < 30 Men Women
Have visited sex Web site 52 % 34 %
Have participated in sex chat room 11.5% 2%
Think visiting sex Web site is cheating 25% 42%
Think participating in sex chat room is cheating 54% 72%
Infidelity Statistics
Infidelity statistics have varied drastically over the past 50 years. The problem
with obtaining accurate statistics on adultery is that most people will not tell the
truth because it is such a sensitive subject. Controlled cheating surveys are scarce
and the below infidelity percentages have been randomly collected from various
sources.
INFIDELITY AND CHEATING STATISTICS:
$57.0 billion revenue world-wide
$12.0 billion of this is US revenue, more than all combined revenues of all
professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues
of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion). $2.5 of the $12 billion is related to Internet porn.
The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families states that
"approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with
the Internet.
"Sex is the number 1 topic searched on the Internet" (NCPCE Online, "Current
Statistics," Internet, http://www.nationalcoalition.org/
PORN ON THE WEB
25% of total search engine requests are porn-related. (Top three searches: sex, mp3
and hotmail.)
8% of total emails are porn-related. Average daily pornographic emails are 4.5 per
Internet user.
12% of total websites are pornographic
AFFECTING CHILDREN
100,000 websites offer illegal child pornography
Child pornography generates $3 billion annually
90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed porn online (most while doing homework)
Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old
Largest consumer of Internet pornography 12-17 age group
One in five children ages 10–17 has received a sexual solicitation over the Internet.
Three million of the visitors to adult websites in September 2000 were age 17 or
younger.
AFFECTING ADULTS
20% of men admit accessing pornography at work
13% of women admit accessing pornography at work
53% of Promise Keeper men viewed pornography the previous week in one study
10% of adults ADMIT to having Internet sexual addiction (Internet Pornography
Statistics: 2003
Infidelity statistics
It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent
secrecy.
22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married
lives.
Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as
younger men to be unfaithful.
70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their
spouses' extramarital activity.
5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex
with someone other than their spouse in the 1997.
22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations
outside their marriage sometime in their past.
90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.
50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral
standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN
poll.
61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United
states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.
17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.
Source: Associated Press
-One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet, according to
an online survey of 38,000 Internet users.
MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper
-Results show that Internet users devote three hours each week to online sexual
exploits. Twenty-five percent have felt that they lost control of their Internet
sexual exploits at least once or that the activity caused problems in their lives.
MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper
-Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Researchers think the
vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple "special
friends".
Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com
-Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery.
DivorceMag
-80% think it's OK to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks
it's OK to visit an adult site.
- About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some
point in some marriage
"Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy Vaugn
-About 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their
marriages, according to a Dec. 21, 1998 report in USA Today on a national study by
the University of California, San Francisco.
Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms
Spring, author of "After the Affair," as reported by the Washington Post on March
30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more
than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less
than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last
more than four years.
A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom
they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men
(executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have
affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100
successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.
Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their
lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of
reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the
affairee.
-Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an
estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a
revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
Harding Institute
-One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs
"This Is An Internet E-Mergency", The Fortino Group
-Approximately 70% of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending e-mail; of
these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature.
Dr. Michael Adamse, PhD., co-author of "Affairs of the Net: The Cybershrinks' Guide
to Online Relationships"
-Because of the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of Internet sexual
resources, the computer can accelerate the transition from "at risk" to "addicted,"
as well as the progression of sex addiction in those with a history of prior sexual
compulsivity.
Cooper et al Survey
-8-10 percent of Internet users become hooked on cybersex.
Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com
Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses
filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. "If there's
dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to
scratch the itch," said lawyer J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which conducted the study.
57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.
38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversation and 50% of
people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.
Evidence proves there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and
subsequent real-time sexual affairs.
Evidence supports the existence of disinhibition, accelerated intimacy, and hyper-
sexual online behavior that can easily lead to real-time infidelity
31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.
-It is estimated that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their
lifetime.
Look at the numbers from a recent issue of Playboy Magazine:
-2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-
workers.
-86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.
-75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with.
-The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they
cheat.
Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover.
Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are
correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The first clue is
seldom obvious. Typically, it's a "feeling" that something is different.
It is estimated that 750,000 children have been aggressively pursued for sex on the
Internet, 1 out 5 of these children were solicited for sex and 1 out of 4 children were
sent pictures of people naked or having sex.
There are recurring press reports of pedophiles using chat rooms to lure children
into physical meetings. According to a recent national newspaper report, chat
rooms are the most popular activity for children online, yet most chat rooms are
unsupervised. Many are private, accessible only by invitation and special
passwords (which may be provided to children by e-mail or instant-type messages
to the screen of a targeted child).
Police investigators report that when they identify themselves as teenaged girls in
chat rooms they are frequently approached by strangers making sexual advances.
In addition, pedophiles have created a community online, where they can validate
their behavior with other like-minded individuals and share information and
tricks of the trade.
Cheating spouse statistics confirm that 50 and 70 percent of married men (between
38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found
that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had
no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to
recognize the telltale signs.
According to Annette Lawson, author of "Adultery," published in 1989 by Basic
Books.
"The various researchers arrive at a general consensus…suggesting that above one-
quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are
married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than
married women—perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty."
According to Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Partners," first published in 1987 by
Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine. "Most experts do consider the
'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45
to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a
relatively sound and reasonable one."
According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," first published in
1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).
Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that "60 percent of men and 40 percent
of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant
when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that
all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even
half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in
the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in
approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's
unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of
individual husbands or wives."
Note that the above adultery statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more
than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the
current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat
HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the
increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for
women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%.
What motivates human behavior?
UCLA Psychology Professor Shelley Taylor offers surprising insights into human
nature
Who best exemplifies the basic essence of human nature: greedy executives engaged
in corporate fraud; Mike Tyson, the aggressive boxer; or the courageous,
compassionate Americans who risked their lives to save strangers on Sept. 11?
If you chose only the personifications of greed and aggression, you are neglecting a
vital part of our nature, according to Shelley E. Taylor, UCLA psychology professor.
In a new book, Taylor argues that nurturing others and caring for their needs are
as wired into our genes as our aggressive and competitive nature.
"The tending instinct is every bit as tenacious as our more aggressive, selfish side,"
Taylor argues in "The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing Is Essential to Who We Are
and How We Live" (Henry Holt). "Tending to others is as natural, as biologically
based, as searching for food or sleeping."
An internationally renowned scientist in the field of stress and health, Taylor
conducted 25 years of research and analyzed more than 1,000 research studies
before writing this book.
"I originally assumed that biology largely determines behavior," Taylor said, "and
so it was a tantalizing surprise to see how clearly social relationships forge our
underlying biology, even at the level of gene expression. Chief among these social
forces are the ways in which people take care of one another and tend to one
another's needs. An early warm and nurturing relationship, such as mothers often
enjoy with their children, is as vital to development as calcium is to bones.
"The benefits that tending provides to children, especially those with genetic risks,
are substantial. Children who are well tended in early childhood grow up with
better social and emotional ways of meeting the world. Even in adult relationships,
we tend to each other's needs in ways that sustain long and healthy lives."
Life, business and relations between the sexes are often depicted as battlefields --
"dog eat dog" -- where the successful outmaneuver and overpower the weak. Taylor,
whose research is federally funded by the National Science Foundation and the
National Institute of Mental Health, finds this metaphor to be a half-truth, at best.
"Tending is instinctive, and affects our biology at every stage of life," she said. "We
have neuro-circuitrys for tending as surely as we have biological circuitry for
obtaining food and reproducing ourselves. How people fare in times of stress -- from
how calm they are to their likelihood of becoming ill -- depends on the quality of the
tending they receive."
What role does our genetic makeup play in determining our behavior?
"The genome is like an architect's first plan, a rough projection of how a person may
turn out," Taylor argues. "This plan is revised during the course of the building
process. The kitchen is rotated 90 degrees, the living room is extended a few feet.
Later, the owner adds a bathroom, perhaps even a second story. This is what
happens when genes meet the environment in which they find expression, and
tending is a large part of this environment.
"From life in the womb to the surprisingly resilient brain of old age, the social
environment molds and shapes the expression of our genetic heritage until the
genetic contribution is sometimes barely evident. A mother's tending can
completely eliminate the potential effects of a gene; a risk for a disease can fail to
materialize with nurturing, and a genetic propensity may lead to one outcome for
one person and the opposite for another, based on the tending they received.
"Who we are -- our character, even our physical health -- depends on the people who
tend to us and how well we get along with them -- our mothers, fathers, friends and
lovers."
Early tending has an extraordinary impact on children, Taylor documents.
Showing an example of the devastating effects on children who received little love
or tending, Taylor cites the hundreds of thousands of Romanian orphans housed
together in desperate conditions at the end of the Ceausescu regime in 1990. With
few workers to care for large numbers of children, relief workers were shocked to
find "room after room of children who rocked back and forth, hit their heads
against the walls, and grimaced oddly, giving no sign they had registered that
anyone new was present," she writes. "Others simply stared at the strangers with
big, sad eyes.
"Their emotions were stunted. They took little joy in their surroundings, and were
not bothered by reprimands or criticisms. They just didn't care. They weren't
tortured or raped. They just weren't loved, held, hugged or taught to feel emotions
or how to recognize them in others.
"The first few years of life are critical for building these emotional responses to life.
If a child fails to get warm, responsive contact with another person during those
years, the disadvantages may never be fully overcome."
As the Soviet bloc crumbled, Eastern Europe's newly free countries experienced an
abrupt decline in the marriage rate, a staggering increase in divorce, a steep
decline in the birth rate, dramatic increases in heart disease and fatal accidents,
and a plummeting life expectancy. People who were expected to live into their 70s
were dying in their 40s and 50s instead. The threat to life expectancy hit young
and middle-aged men especially hard, particularly those who were single. In 1994 a
Russian man's life expectancy had decreased to just 57 (from 64 five years earlier).
Men in the former East Germany suffered a 40 percent increase in their death rate.
"Women fared better than men because they had informal ties in place that helped
them negotiate the new social and economic order," Taylor writes. "Using well-
honed networking skills, they were able to acquire food and other goods to maintain
their now reduced standard of living. Women and children died, too, but in far
fewer numbers, sustained through the transition by the social bonds they had
created and nurtured. When a society's tending system breaks down, illness and
death can follow, sometimes in astonishingly short order. Men, in particular, are
vulnerable."
Among older workers in the United States, those with little social support die
earlier, Taylor said. How well workers are treated by their immediate supervisor
makes a large difference in their physical and mental health, especially for men,
Taylor writes. This "tending," or lack of it, by your supervisor, affects your risk for
coronary heart disease or a heart attack, as well as depression and anxiety.
Nurturing contact with parents in early childhood, combined with social support
during times of stress, good friends (especially female friends), and a strong, loving
relationship (especially with a wife) "all protect against the psychological and
health problems that stress otherwise promotes," she writes.
People with social support have "younger" stress systems and better protection
against major chronic diseases, Taylor writes. Strong ties with family and close
friends protect against health ailments, while social isolation increases the risk for
all causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, strokes and accidents.
"More than 100 scientific studies show that people who have social support and who
are connected to their families, their colleagues at work, their communities, their
churches and their friends all prosper biologically," Taylor said.
Women often get much of their social support from other women, and women's
friendships are vital to their mental health, she writes. Throughout life, women
seek more close friends than men do, and create larger social networks for
themselves.
Women's networks become especially important in stressful times, meeting a
variety of needs, including raising children, protecting against violence and coping
with stress.
Even among animals, she writes, females enjoy the comfort of one another's
company. In a study of Norway rats, for example, females housed together in groups
of five lived 40 percent longer than rats that were housed alone. Among prairie
voles (a small rodent), males react to stressful conditions by seeking contact with
their female mates, while females turn not to their mates, but to other female
"friends." Female bonobos (monkeys) form intense, long-lasting bonds with other
females, much more so than males.
From vervet monkeys to humans, mothers often treat their young the way they
were treated in childhood. In monkeys, mothers who were mistreated or deprived in
infancy do not mother their own offspring as well as nurtured monkeys do, Taylor
writes. Men and women who were abused as children are likely to become abusive
parents themselves, she writes, and children who do not receive much physical
attention or warmth are at risk for a wide range of serious physical and mental
health problems.
Taylor's own research over many years shows that turning to one's social group for
safety and support is a common way for people to cope with stress. "The fact that
one can see a similar pattern in animals suggests that turning to others may have
quite old biological origins," she writes.
Across cultures, girls typically receive training in tending from an early age,
Taylor writes, beginning with playing with dolls and caring for younger siblings,
baby-sitting for others' children, and later caring for their own children, a sick
husband and elderly parents.
With the enormous popularity of cell phones, Taylor noted, we now carry our social
support network with us wherever we go. Friendships are vital, she said, and "social
ties are the cheapest medicine we have."
Sometimes, it's just about sex.
Usually not: The vast majority of Americans are monogamous and happy about it,
expressing satisfaction with their sex lives and a broad preference for emotional
commitment in sexual relationships. Most by far prefer marriage to the single life.
But there's more to sex in America in 2004 than that 1950s picture suggests. A
ground breaking ABC News "Prime time Live" survey finds a range of eye-popping
sexual activities, fantasies and attitudes in this country, confirming some
conventional wisdom, exploding some myths -- and venturing where few scientific
surveys have gone before.
Among the results: Fifty-seven percent of Americans have had sex outdoors or in a
public place. Half talk with their partners about their sexual fantasies. Forty-two
percent call themselves sexually adventurous. Twenty-nine percent have had sex
on a first date, and about as many have had an "unexpected sexual encounter with
someone new." Fifteen percent of men -- and three in 10 single men age 30 and older
-- have paid for sex. About half of women say they've faked an orgasm.
Americans' Sexual Behavior
Sex outdoors 57%
Discuss fantasies 51%
Faked orgasm (women) 48%
Sexually adventurous 42%
First-date sex 29%
Paid for sex (men) 15%
Paid for sex (single men, 30+) 30%
Two-thirds of sexually active Americans sometimes "wear something sexy" to
enhance their sex lives, and 30 percent say they and their partner have watched
sexually explicit videos. One in five -- around 40 million people -- say they've
looked at porn Web sites. As many, men and women about equally, have had
"rebound" sex to get over a failed relationship.
In some cases, where activity is less common, fantasy takes over. Among people who
are married or living in a committed relationship (or formerly married), 16
percent have cheated on their partner (nearly twice as many men as women) --
while more, 30 percent, have fantasized about it. Fourteen percent of adults (and
twice as many single men) have had sex in a threesome, while an additional 21
percent have fantasized about that. Twelve percent have had sex at their
workplace, and it's been a fantasy for one in 10 more.
Fantasy and Activity
Did it Fantasized about it
Cheated 16% 30%
Threesome 14% 21%
Sex at work 12% 10%
There are other signs of yearning: Among the 55 percent who describe their sexual
activity as "traditional," about three in 10 would like to be more adventurous. And
more -- four in 10, especially men -- would like more adventurousness in their
partners.
The survey also finds huge differences in sexual attitudes between men and women.
It underscores the wages of sin: Divorced or separated men are twice as likely to
have been unfaithful in their marriage. And it demolishes the notion that singles
are swinging: Even among young singles (under 30), nearly half aren't dating at
all, and among those who are dating, eight in 10 are dating one person exclusively.
Monogamy, again, rules the roost.
Moreover, the survey finds that satisfaction with sex does matter. A statistical
analysis identifies some of the factors independently related to satisfaction with
sex, marriage and life more broadly. Among other findings, it shows that activities
such as discussing fantasies with a partner contribute to an exciting sex life, that
an exciting sex life contributes to a happy marriage and that a happy marriage
contributes to life satisfaction.
These and other findings in this random-sample telephone poll of 1,501 adults
paint a remarkable and intimate portrait of sex in America in the 21st century.
Many of the frank and personal questions, from foreplay to fantasy, have rarely if
ever been asked before in a representative national survey. Other results comport
with previous sex research. The survey is the basis for an exclusive report on sexual
attitudes and behavior for the ABC News program "Prime time Live" that aired on
Thursday, Oct. 21 at 10 p.m. ET. A second program, based on a separate survey of
sexual attitudes and behavior among teenagers, will air at a later date.
Different Planets
If women are from Venus, men are -- well -- men. Seventy percent of men think
about sex every day -- double the rate among women. Indeed, 43 percent of men
think about sex several times a day; just 13 percent of women do that. Eighty-three
percent of men enjoy sex "a great deal"; that falls to 59 percent of women. Women,
though, are equally likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives.
Sex and the Gender Gap
Men Women
Think about sex every day 70% 34%
Enjoy sex a "great deal" 83% 59%
Overall, women report an average of six sex partners in their lifetimes; men, 20.
But a better gauge of sexual activity for most people is the median, the midpoint
between the high and low: Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a
median of eight.
The averages are higher because a small number of individuals -- especially men --
report a very large number of partners. Five percent of the men in this sample
reported having had 99 or more sex partners, including four who reported 200,
three who reported 300 and one who reported 400. Among women, one percent
reported 99 or more partners; the high was 100 (reported by two women).
Total Number of Sex Partners
Average Median
All 13.5
Men 20.8
Women 6.3
While there are differences between the sexes, the data are internally coherent; for
example, people who report more sex partners, men and women alike, are more apt
to describe themselves as adventurous sexually and to say they enjoy sex a great
deal.
Total Number of Sex Partners
All Men Women
One 19% 12% 25%
2-4 25% 16% 33%
5-10 28% 26% 29%
11-20 12% 18% 6%
21+ 12% 20% 4%
In another difference between the sexes, 42 percent of men report having had sex
on a first date; that drops to 17 percent of women. Again the data are coherent;
women who report having had first-date sex also are much more likely to call
themselves sexually adventurous, and they report many more sex partners across
their lives -- an average of 19, compared with an average of four for other women.
A third of adults would like to have more sex than they do now -- but more men,
about four in 10, than women, 28 percent. Men, as noted, are more apt to have
cheated, much more apt to fantasize about it, and more than twice as likely as
women to say it's acceptable to have casual sex without an emotional relationship --
"just doing it for the sex." (That's OK with 35 percent of men, compared with 15
percent of women.)
Women also are about half as likely as men to say they've had sex in a threesome,
unexpectedly with someone new, or at work; and they're less likely to fantasize
about these. A third of men have fantasized about a threesome and 20 percent have
fantasized about an unexpected encounter; it's nine and 10 percent of women,
respectively.
Women are more conservative about sex in other ways. They're more apt than men
to say there's too much sex on TV, 84 percent to 62 percent. They're less likely than
men to condone sex before marriage, 54 to 68 percent. And 61 percent of sexually
active women, compared with 50 percent of men, call themselves sexually
traditional, not adventurous.
In other personal predilections, men are twice as likely as women to sleep in the
nude (31 percent of men, 14 percent of women), and women are much more likely to
prefer to have sex with the lights off (51 percent of women, 27 percent of men).
In the online realm, men are more than three times as likely as women to have
looked at a sexually explicit Web site, and doing so spikes among men under 30.
Relatively few -- but 11 percent of young men -- have participated in sex chat rooms.
Women are much more likely to regard either of these activities as "being
unfaithful."
Sex and the Web
Men < 30 Men Women
Have visited sex Web site 52 % 34 %
Have participated in sex chat room 11.5% 2%
Think visiting sex Web site is cheating 25% 42%
Think participating in sex chat room is cheating 54% 72%
Do you have information on a subject?? Please contact
Fina Bella at:
info@finabella.net
Fina Bella at:
info@finabella.net
www.finabella.org (Lobby/Issues)
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
"I think the key is for women not to set any limits."
Martina Navratilova: Holds 167 singles titles, more than any other
player, male or female and 178 doubles titles.
Martina Navratilova: Holds 167 singles titles, more than any other
player, male or female and 178 doubles titles.
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Profile of a Male Non Abuser
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
The following is a general guide (not in any order of priority) of some positive character markers in a non abusive
male. We are not suggesting that all male non abusers will have all of these characteristics. Every man is an
individual. It also depends on the man's maturity amongst other factors. However, if you recognize many of these
markers, it is unlikely that the individual will be an abuser. To view a summary of an abuser and a victim, please
review the documents “ Profile of a Batterer” and “Profile of a Victim”.
- Self assured, self confident, mature, is a leader and not a follower. Knows who he is, controls his life and does not
need nor wants to control others.
- Intelligent, knows what he wants and where he is going in life.
- Has a sense of humor and can laugh at his own short comings and errors.
- Is honest and knows right from wrong.
- Is trust worthy.
- Independent but not self centered. Does not look at himself in the mirror more often than you do.
- Understanding and flexible.
- Knows his strengths and weakness and will admit to them.
- Affectionate/romantic/attentive/passionate/loving/faithful, respectful.
- Is polite but never a push over and is careful not to be taken advantage of.
- Responsible
- Serious and can be depended upon when situations arise.
- Kind, thoughtful & generous.
- Sensitive to others needs/feelings.
- Shares.
- Admits his mistakes and apologizes.
- Can communicate on an intelligent level about varied subjects and issues.
- Patient.
- Well read, smart/interesting and strives to learn and improve himself.
- Thinks of others and will try to help. But is modest and will never consider himself a hero.
- Has no anger management issues and has handled his previous issues/baggage well.
- Does not knowingly hurt others and strives to do good.
- Will stand up for his principles and the valid principles of others.
- Loves life and handles all it's ups & downs.
- Appreciates & cares about women.
- Likes & loves children and is good father material.
- Likes animals and is not cruel to them.
It is important for women to understand the true definition and dynamics of the gender labeled “Man”. A male who
can justify calling himself a real man is much more than being tall, good looking, with the perfectly sculptured
body and projecting himself as Mr. Cool. Some males who have all of these features are shallow. They can fail
miserably on the level of being a real man because they lack the more important qualities for a relationship.
Qualities are what will last for a life time and long after the body beautiful and good looks have wained. A man,
involved with a woman he loves and cares about, will be her friend, lover, a big brother, teacher, soul mate,
confidant, a father figure, her protector (will step up to the line should a situation turn nasty and you need
assistance), a shoulder to cry on, a listener when you need to vent, will encourage and be happy for and with you in
your accomplishments, is there for you should you have dark days in your life and will never judge you or let
anyone else judge you.
So ladies, when you walk down the street and see that tall, handsome guy with the hot body to die for, by all means
enjoy the “eye candy”. However, before you drool too much over the shape of his butt, take the time to look below the
surface. Whether he is Mr. Handsome or Mr. Average, it's important for you to know that he possesses some of the
positive character traits mentioned above and has exercised his brain as well as his body. Remember, for him to be
a “keeper”, he has to treat you as an equal and with NO abuse of any kind. Now it's up to you. You have the tools, use
them well. “Bonne Chance”.
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
The following is a general guide (not in any order of priority) of some positive character markers in a non abusive
male. We are not suggesting that all male non abusers will have all of these characteristics. Every man is an
individual. It also depends on the man's maturity amongst other factors. However, if you recognize many of these
markers, it is unlikely that the individual will be an abuser. To view a summary of an abuser and a victim, please
review the documents “ Profile of a Batterer” and “Profile of a Victim”.
- Self assured, self confident, mature, is a leader and not a follower. Knows who he is, controls his life and does not
need nor wants to control others.
- Intelligent, knows what he wants and where he is going in life.
- Has a sense of humor and can laugh at his own short comings and errors.
- Is honest and knows right from wrong.
- Is trust worthy.
- Independent but not self centered. Does not look at himself in the mirror more often than you do.
- Understanding and flexible.
- Knows his strengths and weakness and will admit to them.
- Affectionate/romantic/attentive/passionate/loving/faithful, respectful.
- Is polite but never a push over and is careful not to be taken advantage of.
- Responsible
- Serious and can be depended upon when situations arise.
- Kind, thoughtful & generous.
- Sensitive to others needs/feelings.
- Shares.
- Admits his mistakes and apologizes.
- Can communicate on an intelligent level about varied subjects and issues.
- Patient.
- Well read, smart/interesting and strives to learn and improve himself.
- Thinks of others and will try to help. But is modest and will never consider himself a hero.
- Has no anger management issues and has handled his previous issues/baggage well.
- Does not knowingly hurt others and strives to do good.
- Will stand up for his principles and the valid principles of others.
- Loves life and handles all it's ups & downs.
- Appreciates & cares about women.
- Likes & loves children and is good father material.
- Likes animals and is not cruel to them.
It is important for women to understand the true definition and dynamics of the gender labeled “Man”. A male who
can justify calling himself a real man is much more than being tall, good looking, with the perfectly sculptured
body and projecting himself as Mr. Cool. Some males who have all of these features are shallow. They can fail
miserably on the level of being a real man because they lack the more important qualities for a relationship.
Qualities are what will last for a life time and long after the body beautiful and good looks have wained. A man,
involved with a woman he loves and cares about, will be her friend, lover, a big brother, teacher, soul mate,
confidant, a father figure, her protector (will step up to the line should a situation turn nasty and you need
assistance), a shoulder to cry on, a listener when you need to vent, will encourage and be happy for and with you in
your accomplishments, is there for you should you have dark days in your life and will never judge you or let
anyone else judge you.
So ladies, when you walk down the street and see that tall, handsome guy with the hot body to die for, by all means
enjoy the “eye candy”. However, before you drool too much over the shape of his butt, take the time to look below the
surface. Whether he is Mr. Handsome or Mr. Average, it's important for you to know that he possesses some of the
positive character traits mentioned above and has exercised his brain as well as his body. Remember, for him to be
a “keeper”, he has to treat you as an equal and with NO abuse of any kind. Now it's up to you. You have the tools, use
them well. “Bonne Chance”.
Profile of a Female Non Abuser
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
Most abusers are males who abuse women and children. But there is also a small percentage of women who abuse
men. Even though most abuse victims are female, they don't always become abusers in the strict sense of the word.
However, it is important for men to recognize the signs of a female abuser, a victim or recovering victim. In any of
these scenarios, a woman will make your life hell for different reasons and can emotionally bleed you dry. The
following is a general guide (not in any order of priority) of some positive character markers in a non abusive
female and non victim. If you recognize many of these markers, it is unlikely that the individual will be an abuser
nor a victim/recovering victim. To view a summary of an abuser and a victim, please review the documents “Profile
of a Batterer” and “Profile of a Victim”.
- Self assured, self confident and knows who she is. Controls her life and does not show any signs of wanting to
control others nor does she have any tendencies to be needy.
- Intelligent, knows what she wants and is focused on getting there.
- Has a sense of humor and enjoys life.
- Is honest/trust worthy and up front. No behind the scenes agenda.
- Is assertive but not aggressive. Note: it's important to know the difference.
- Independent but not self centered and can make her own decisions.
- Understanding and flexible.
- Is emotionally stable.
- Affectionate/romantic/attentive/passionate/loving/faithful and feminine.
- Respectful, responsible & patient.
- Is polite but never a push over and can stand her ground when wronged.
- Serious and can be depended upon when situations arise.
- Kind, thoughtful, generous and not extremely jealous.
- Sensitive to the needs/feelings of others and will try to help those that are helping themselves and is also willing
to share.
- Admits to her mistakes and apologizes.
- Can communicate on an intellectual level about varied subjects and issues.
- Well read, smart/interesting and strives to learn and improve herself.
- Has no anger issues and has put the past and baggage behind her.
- Does not knowingly hurt others and strives to do good.
- Will stand up for her principles and the valid principles of others.
- Loves life and all it's challenges.
- Appreciates men but wants them to respect her as an equal and if she is looking, would look for a comparable man
to share her life with.
- Loves children and is good mother material.
- Likes animals and does not mistreat them.
The true definition and dynamics of the gender that we know as “woman” is complexed for the average male to
totally understand. A female who can call herself a whole woman is much more than being tall, good looking, with a
beautiful body and projecting herself as a sex goddess. There are some females who only depend on their looks and
are boring on an intellectual level. Like their male counter parts, are shallow. They also can fail miserably on the
level of being a complete woman because they lack the most important qualities for a relationship. Qualities are
what will stay with them for a life time and long after the wrinkles set in and the good looks have diminished. A
woman, involved with a man she loves and cares about, will be his friend, lover, teacher, soul mate, confidant, will
be concerned when he has a bad day, a listener when you need to discuss a problem and will provide some viable
advice, will encourage and be happy for and with you in your accomplishments, is there for you when you failure,
and will verbally defend you and never let anyone judge you unfairly.
Now then gentlemen, when you walk down the street and see that sexy woman with a gorgeous body, by all means
look and enjoy the view. However, before you trip over your own shoes because you are staring at her boobs instead
of watching where you are going, take the time to search below the surface. Whether she is Ms. Super Star or Ms.
Cute, it's important for you to know that she possesses some of the positive character traits mentioned above and
uses her brain (which is her sexiest body part by the way) as well as her other parts. Remember, for her to be a
“keeper”, she has to treat you as an equal and with NO abuse or baggage from the past that will destroy you. Please
understand, most real women like men and want us to show our maleness. It's only when we fail to learn what is
acceptable to do or what we shouldn't do around a woman, that they will become impatient with us. It's up to you.
You have been given the tools, now go use them wisely.
All Rights Reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
Most abusers are males who abuse women and children. But there is also a small percentage of women who abuse
men. Even though most abuse victims are female, they don't always become abusers in the strict sense of the word.
However, it is important for men to recognize the signs of a female abuser, a victim or recovering victim. In any of
these scenarios, a woman will make your life hell for different reasons and can emotionally bleed you dry. The
following is a general guide (not in any order of priority) of some positive character markers in a non abusive
female and non victim. If you recognize many of these markers, it is unlikely that the individual will be an abuser
nor a victim/recovering victim. To view a summary of an abuser and a victim, please review the documents “Profile
of a Batterer” and “Profile of a Victim”.
- Self assured, self confident and knows who she is. Controls her life and does not show any signs of wanting to
control others nor does she have any tendencies to be needy.
- Intelligent, knows what she wants and is focused on getting there.
- Has a sense of humor and enjoys life.
- Is honest/trust worthy and up front. No behind the scenes agenda.
- Is assertive but not aggressive. Note: it's important to know the difference.
- Independent but not self centered and can make her own decisions.
- Understanding and flexible.
- Is emotionally stable.
- Affectionate/romantic/attentive/passionate/loving/faithful and feminine.
- Respectful, responsible & patient.
- Is polite but never a push over and can stand her ground when wronged.
- Serious and can be depended upon when situations arise.
- Kind, thoughtful, generous and not extremely jealous.
- Sensitive to the needs/feelings of others and will try to help those that are helping themselves and is also willing
to share.
- Admits to her mistakes and apologizes.
- Can communicate on an intellectual level about varied subjects and issues.
- Well read, smart/interesting and strives to learn and improve herself.
- Has no anger issues and has put the past and baggage behind her.
- Does not knowingly hurt others and strives to do good.
- Will stand up for her principles and the valid principles of others.
- Loves life and all it's challenges.
- Appreciates men but wants them to respect her as an equal and if she is looking, would look for a comparable man
to share her life with.
- Loves children and is good mother material.
- Likes animals and does not mistreat them.
The true definition and dynamics of the gender that we know as “woman” is complexed for the average male to
totally understand. A female who can call herself a whole woman is much more than being tall, good looking, with a
beautiful body and projecting herself as a sex goddess. There are some females who only depend on their looks and
are boring on an intellectual level. Like their male counter parts, are shallow. They also can fail miserably on the
level of being a complete woman because they lack the most important qualities for a relationship. Qualities are
what will stay with them for a life time and long after the wrinkles set in and the good looks have diminished. A
woman, involved with a man she loves and cares about, will be his friend, lover, teacher, soul mate, confidant, will
be concerned when he has a bad day, a listener when you need to discuss a problem and will provide some viable
advice, will encourage and be happy for and with you in your accomplishments, is there for you when you failure,
and will verbally defend you and never let anyone judge you unfairly.
Now then gentlemen, when you walk down the street and see that sexy woman with a gorgeous body, by all means
look and enjoy the view. However, before you trip over your own shoes because you are staring at her boobs instead
of watching where you are going, take the time to search below the surface. Whether she is Ms. Super Star or Ms.
Cute, it's important for you to know that she possesses some of the positive character traits mentioned above and
uses her brain (which is her sexiest body part by the way) as well as her other parts. Remember, for her to be a
“keeper”, she has to treat you as an equal and with NO abuse or baggage from the past that will destroy you. Please
understand, most real women like men and want us to show our maleness. It's only when we fail to learn what is
acceptable to do or what we shouldn't do around a woman, that they will become impatient with us. It's up to you.
You have been given the tools, now go use them wisely.
All Rights Reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group